"We parry and fend the approach of our fellow-man by compliments, by gossip, by amusements, by affairs. " Don't gossip. So much easier said than done. "We talk sometimes of a great talent for conversation, as if it were a permanent property in some individuals. Conversation is an evanescent relation, -- no more. A man is reputed to have thought and eloquence; he cannot, for all that, say a word to his cousin or his uncle. They accuse his silence with as much reason as they would blame the insignificance of a dial in the shade. In the sun it will mark the hour. Among those who enjoy his thought, he will regain his tongue." Listen, instead of talking. Instead of instigating pointless conversations, strive to foster conversations with friends which you actually are interested in. Don't just talk to waste time. "We walk alone in the world. Friends, such as we desire, are dreams and fables. But a sublime hope cheers ever the faithful heart, that elsewhere, in other regions of the universal power, souls are now acting, enduring, and daring, which can love us, and which we can love. " When it comes down to it, we must know ourselves before we can be a true friend. Consciously we all want to be surround by other people, but subconsciously we know that we must understand our own desires and goals, before we can support and understand those of others.
As I spent one day as an Emersonian friend, I tried my best to follow three of the aforementioned qualities he identifies. First, to not talk about anything gossip related. Second, to listen instead of talking while I'm with my friends. Third, to spend some time separated from people to reflect on how I could be
a better friend. Out of all three, the first was probably the hardest to do. The reason being, whenever you see something, or someone tells you about something exciting, it's only natural to want to share. I guess in being an "Emersonian" friend, it is more of being a self-contained individual who is just there for support-no superficial garbage that at times seems to linger in many friendships. You should be able to express who you are with them, "that I may drop even those undermost garments of dissimulation, courtesy, and second thought." Friends aren't for the gossip nor the casual conversation, they are there for "entertainment without stipulation." In a sense, it seems Emerson is speaking to embracing the silence in conversations, without having to fill them in with fillers. To me, those awkward silences are sometimes the most interesting times in a conversation. With my close friends, I don't have to say anything, we could just be sitting there at the beach staring at a sunset; yet if I were to do the same thing with people I don't know all that well, it might feel awkward because the situation isn't as comfortable. To conceal this discomfort is most often when small talk and pointless conversation stems from. You don't know what to do if it is quiet, so you just keep talking...about anything... In a sense, we tend to keep this guard up with those we don't know. Gradually, after getting to know a person, we become more comfortable, and don't have to always be so cautious.
The next task I followed was listening. I liked this, because often times I may say
something or whatever, and not hear a person's complete train of thought. It was
refreshing to just be able to hear and take everything in. I didn't realize how much I
actually miss-the funny things people brush off quietly, as well as the everyday hustle
and bustle that I would otherwise disregard. The third and final aspect I tried to
immolate, in an effort to be like Emerson, was to spend some time reflecting alone on
how I could be a better friend. During this, I came to see that the two tasks I had just
practiced were by far two of the best qualities for a friend to have.
In a sense, it's quite difficult to be a good friend without being secure in who you
are. Friends, true friends, are always there for you. But in the same respect, to be
a friend, you must be there for them as well. We all must lead our own lives, but
the intersections at which our friends cross and share with us are so important. We
grow as individuals, and in time learn that, although throughout the years friendships
may grow or fade, the time we had, the memories we keep-that's all we can ask for.
Photo Credits~Flickr
flower snapshot~imjustcreative
sunsetjumping~mitameda
monmarte~john althouse cohen
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